Have You Ever Met This Kind of Person?Dec 17, 2021
So I went out for a tea with this new, seemingly cool human last night. I was curious to know about her work, life and genuinely was interested in her as a person. If you know me well enough by now, I find human behaviour fascinating, so dates are always. . . learning experiences.
Throughout my 2 hour conversation with this person, she didn't ask me a single question. Not one. When she showed up there wasn't even a "Hi, how are you?" or "have you been waiting?"
Not a single question in two hours. Strange right?
As I volunteered information and responded to her stories and tales, there was an obvious sign through body language and eye contact that she had no interest in listening and was simply ready to fire back with her far more interesting and relevant perspectives.
This type of conversation isn't rare in the world of human relationships, as our whole world seems to be out of homeostasis. This convo was just way out of balance!
This isn't the first time this has happened but honestly seems to be more common as I meet people. The bright side of this is when I meet someone who can actually hold an awesome conversation where there is dialogue, curiosity, understanding and care, well, it's the most Godly experience.
Has this ever happened to you though? You meet someone and they take no interest or care in your existence?
The feelings that may arise could be something like: (in no particular order or with no eloquent description)
- Worthlessness (I feel like a nobody. I'm invisible to this person)
- Stupid (I can't believe I'm wasting my time with this shit)
- Angry (What the hell is wrong with this person?)
- Levity (This is nuts! lmfaooooo, this chick is completely clueless, damn)
I know man, trust me, I know. Some of these feelings can overwhelm us and can be a 'trigger' for those of us who enjoy feeling cared for and sought to be understood (all humans have these needs).
When we engage in a shitty conversation (if you want to call it a conversation), we may feel as though this is a reflection of who we are. We're sad people, stupid, boring and not even worthy of interest.
I'll just be straight up and tell you what I do most of the time in these situations:
Once I actually called a person out and said "Do you realize in the last 3 hours together you know absolutely nothing about me?" Yeah, they became pretty defensive.
Is it really about us and our pickiness and need for attention? Is this some kind of sign that we need to better accommodate other people and be more humble to the fact that we're not special enough for someone to want to know more about us?
No. Faaaaack no.
Pick people and keep those close to you who sincerely care about you. Questions are a sign of care and genuine love for another human being. Find curious people and I guarantee you'll find a friend.
When we surround ourselves with people we care about and when we know they care about us through beautiful conversation, we feel less stressed, less anxious and experience more positive emotion.
Gently note how you feel when you meet or talk to someone who asks you questions about your life and others who tend to only speak about themselves. Does it bother you? Has this been a reason for feelings of inadequacy for a while because of the people you hang around?
Let's just be honest and realize that it's okay to not like everyone. It's okay to say that some people you meet were just shit and it didn't work out. It's all good.
Now, back to last nights experience - my mind was too curious to let go of this kind of behaviour. It's fascinating! So I asked myself:
"Why isn't this person asking me questions?"
I honestly don't know but I can hinder a guess? Would ya let me?
Clearly the world values an individuals capabilities and what we can offer. Perhaps people are trying so hard to sell themselves constantly to prove their worth to others which will hopefully result in some primal feelings of admiration for someone who has accomplished so much.
The more I talk about me, the more worthy I seem.
Just think about the goal of social media and how we use our devices. The "Look what I'm doing" mentality and desire for attention is the ultimate currency of todays tech. The focus on the self rather than collective has manipulated our very plastic brains into an even more eg-centric reality in which everyone's reality is completed different.
A social media timeline is different depending in the individuals habits on and off the platform. This means that we're not only spending time on a screen, it's what's on the screen that changes our perception of reality, just as all experiences do, especially in childhood.
So as people see the world so differently today, how can we have a conversation in which we agree on something or even have a similar foundation of experience? Maybe that whole topic deserves a new blog post.
All this rambling is to say that the lack of self-awareness maybe isn't anyones fault. There are a million factors as to why people simply aren't curious and can't hold an ounce of interest in other human beings.
All we need to do is choose those we spend our time with and decide why we value what we do. Watch how your world changes when you meet people and develop relationships where there is truly a sense of care and understanding. It's the most beautiful feeling in the world.
Thanks for reading,